Here is the first chapter of my crazy fan-fiction, Crazy Days! Enjoy these crazy days along with your favorite Star Wars characters! Tell me what you think! And stay tuned- chapter two is coming soon! :D
CRAZY DAYS
Chapter One
In this chapter…
"WOOOOHOOOOOO!!”“This is the most fun thing I have ever done!!”
“Rule number 56,792: Jedi must never, ever, under any circumstances, wear glittery wings.”
“Plain old peanut butter? Peanut butter isn’t plain, it’s AWESOME!”
***
“Is there anything to do?” Padme moaned from the couch in her and Anakin’s apartment.
“Uh…” Anakin looked up from clipping his fingernails. “I’m clipping my fingernails…”
“OOH! Me too!”
Anakin made a face. “What?”
“I wanna clip mine, too!”
“It’s not fun.” Anakin insisted. “I’m just clipping mine because if I don’t I’ll look like Estaban.”
“Oh, ok.” Padme sighed and sat on the couch to study her fingernails.
“How are yours?” Anakin asked. Clip, clip, clip…
Padme shrugged. “They can grow some more. I might clip them tomorrow.”
“Uh…ok…” Clip, clip, clip…
Padme suddenly jumped off of the couch and raced to the calendar. On tomorrow's date she wrote Clip fingernails: important! Do not forget! in bright red marker.
“I wrote it on the calendar so I don’t forget.” Padme smiled. Anakin smiled back.
“It’s always good to be prepared.” Anakin replied.
“I know.” agreed Padme. “That’s why I wrote it on the calendar.”
“Uh-huh.” Anakin said,
Anakin put away the nail clippers and sat down on the couch beside Padme.
“What do we do now?” he asked. Padme shrugged.
“You’re done with your fingernails, right?”
“Right.”
“Then I have no idea.” Padme sighed and put her head in her hands.
“I’m bored, bored, bored…” Anakin complained.
“Maybe we should do something new!” Padme cried, jumping up off of the couch. “I know! We’ll play The Word Game! Think of a word, Anakin.”
“Huh?” Anakin yawned and looked confused.
“Pick any word, just anything.” Padme insisted.
“Okay…fly.”
“Which one?” Padme asked, holding her sparkly pink pen at the ready. “The insect or trhe action?”
“Uh…the action. Fly as in…what spaceships do.”
“Good.” Padme used her sparkly pink pen to write “flying lessons” on the arm of the sofa. Anakin watched her in shock.
“What one earth are you doing??”
“I’m writing it down so we can keep track of ways not to be bored.”
“On the sofa??”
“Please, Ani…??” He couldn’t resist those big, watery brown eyes. He gave in.
“Don’t cry, Padme. It’s okay. You can write on the sofa.”
“Writing on sofas is fuuuuun!!” Padme giggled. Say another word!”
“Uh…what are we gonna do with…flying lessons?”
“Oh, yeah! Hold on, you’ll see!” Padme flew from the room and came back with duck tape, scissors and cardboard cereal boxes. She dumped the cereal onto the floor and cut the boxes into the shape of wings. She then duck-taped them to Anakin’s shoulders.
“Padme, what on earth…”
“Hang on. I’ll get some glitter.”
“Padme…”
But she was already gone and didn’t hear him. The next thing Anakin knew was that a whole pound of hot-pink glitter was being poured down his neck, along with Crazy-Glu.
“Crazy-Glu?! Why did you just put THAT on me??” Anakin demanded to know.
“’Cause CrazyGlu is the stickiest brand of glue anywhere!” Padme immediately launched into a commercial for Crazy-Glu. Holding the bottle high above her head, she proclaimed
“Crazy-Glu, the best, most stickiest-”
“You only say ‘most’ or stickiest, Padme.”
“Uh…ok. Crazy-Glu, the most glue ever!”
“Huh?” Anakin scratched his head. “The most…what?”
“Stickiest.”
“Oh…”
Padme giggled and poured Crazy-Glu in her hair, then glitter.
“Anakin, do I look like a fairy?” she asked, giggling madly.
“Uh…well…fairies have wings…”
Padme raced for more cardboard.
“Cool, so we BOTH can fly!!”
“Uh…Padme?” Anakin tried to look over his shoulder at his glittery cardboard wings. “These things are never gonna work, hon. We’re too heavy for cardboard wings.”
Padme poured one last sprinkle of glitter onto her wings and turned around so Anakin could admire them.
“Uh…pretty, Padme.” Anakin said. “But what are we gonna do with them?”
“You’ll see!” Padme ran out the front door. After a few minutes Anakin went outside.
“Look!!” Padme shouted. Anakin looked up to see an enormous metal structure.
“Where did that come from?” he asked, amazed. Padme had been outside for less than five minutes.
“From my build-your-own-enormous-metal-structure-in-less-than-five-minutes kit.” She showed him the box; it was two inches square. “It was $5.99 on sale at Tagostore.”
“Nice.” Anakin said appreciatively. “what are we gonna do with it?”
“Well…we stand up at the top, grab onto that metal chain there, and fly.”
“Ok.”
They climbed up the tall ladder and stood on a tiny, three foot platform. Anakin went first. He grabbed the thick chain between his hands (after thoroughly chalking them with moon-blue chalk- a bonus from the kit), Padme adjusted his wings, and he jumped.
“WOOOOHOOOOOO!!” Anakin hollered at the top of his lands while Padme watched and clapped. “This is the most fun thing I have ever done!!”
“My turn, my turn!” Padme jumped up and down on the platform, excited. Suddenly she slipped. Fortunately Anakin was just coming under the platform and she caught onto the chain. They both swung back and forth wildly.
“ANAKIN, PADME what on COURASCANT are you doin??” Obi-Wan appeared seemingly out of nowhere and stood glaring at the contraption.
“Uh…hey, master!” Anakin called out as he and Padme swung past him.
“Anakin, why are you wearing glittery wings? It’s against the Jedi Code to wear glittery wings.”
“It is?” They swung up to Obi-Wan again and Anakin let go of the chain, landing a few inches away from Obi-Wan.
“Woah! Personal space police! Personal space police!!” Two large men in black and grey uniforms rushed up. One of them pushed Anakin away from Obi-Wan. The other fanned Obi-Wan with a purple fan and wiped his face with a cool washcloth. “Oh, thank you!” Obi-Wan sighed, relieved. The two men left just as quickly as they had come.
“Uh…master?” Anakin watched the Personal Space Police Officers head off into the distance until the next personal space invasion. “What do you mean, “it’s against the Jedi Code to wear glittery wings’?”
“It’s right here.” Obi-Wan mysteriously pulled a thick book from his pocket, entitled The Official Jedi Code Book About All Things Jedi Code- What’s in the Code and What Isn’t’. And Also Anything Else to Do with Jedi.
“Wow.” Anakin said. “Catchy title.”
“Thanks.” Obi-Wan flipped to page 275. “Rule number 56,792: Jedi must never, ever, under any circumstances, wear glittery wings.”
“Oh.” Anakin plucked the wings off as Obi-Wan shut the book and slid it back into his pocket. “Sorry, master.”
“Don’t mention it. Hey, Anakin, are you thirsty?”
“Actually, I am. Swinging around in glittery wings is thirsty work. Why do you ask?”
“We could go get a couple of protein shakes.” Obi-Wan suggested.
“YUCK! Protein shakes??” Anakin shivered. “Sounds gross to me.”
“It comes in three flavors: spinach shake, carrot shake, and lasagna shake.”
“Lasagna shake…?” Anakin questioned. “That doesn’t sound very healthy.”
“You would be surprised at how good lasagna is for a Jedi’s health.” Obi-Wan insisted. “It’s my favorite food, and I own the shake company.”
“You…do??” Anakin was wide-eyed.
“Yes. And I say it’s healthy, so it is. At least at Kenobi’s Protein Shake Hut. Now, come on- do you think Padme wants to come?”
“I dunno, I’ll ask her. Padme!” Anakin yelled, watching Padme swing across their backyard on the chain. She quickly dropped off of it and ran over to the two Jedi.
“What is it, Ani?” she asked.
“Obi-Wan and I are going to go get a protein shake at Kenobi’s Protein Shake Hut. Wanna come?”
“OOOOOH, yes! I love the lasagna shake! It’s sooooo yummy! Let me get my sweater!”
By the time Padme had found just the right color sweater to go with her wings, cut holes for the wings, and got it situated just right, it was dinner time. Obi-Wan informed them that Kenobi’s Shake Hut also served dinner, so they decided to get something to eat along with their shakes. The car ride was uneventful and soon the two Jedi and the senator were seated at a table in Kenobi’s Protein Shake Hut.
“Ew…what is all of this stuff?” Anakin asked, flipping through the menu. “Everything on here is either gross or healthy.”
“What’s wrong with healthy?” Obi-Wan asked, ordering the Super-Deluxe-Healthy Hippopotamus Sandwich. “Everything here is healthy, anyway, so I suggest you pick something and like it.”
“Master, there’s nothing wrong with healthy, but…if you’re going out to eat…”
“We aren’t out, Anakin. We’re in. Inside. Inside the building. Inside Kenobi’s Protein Shake Hut.”
Anakin shrugged. “Okay, okay.” He ordered a Super-Healthy Pickle Sandwich and settled down to wait. Padme ordered the This-Tastes-Like-Cheese-But-It’s-A-Lot-Healthier side and then they talked about random things until their food arrived. Obi-Wan was just explaining to Anakin and Padme the fine points of toe-painting when their food arrived.
“You should see my room at the temple.” Obi-Wan said. “Just full of beautiful toe-paintings that I’ve created over the years.”
“Sounds interesting.” Padme said.
“Sounds gross.” Anakin looked down at his bare feet and wiggled his toes. Then Obi-Wan insisted he put his boots back on for as long as he was in Kenobi’s Protein Shake Hut. Anakin agreed.
“OOOOOOH, this is soooooo yummy!” Padme ate loads and loads of fake, ‘healthy’ cheese while Obi-Wan took enormous bites out of his Hippo-sandwich. Anakin picked at his pickle-sandwich. It tasted okay, he guessed; if you liked the taste of sawdust mixed with dog food. He managed to choke half of it down before he gave up on it.
“So,” Padme said, her mouth full of stringy fake cheese “What are we gonna do when we get back home?”
“Ew, Padme, that is sooo gross.” Anakin looked away to keep from gagging. Padme closed her mouth, swallowed the cheese and tried again.
“So, Ani, what should we do next?”
“I don’t know….flying lessons were fun, but…” Anakin shrugged. “I ended up breaking the Jedi Code. Again.”
“What do you mean ‘again’?” Obi-Wan asked, polishing off the last bite of his Hippo-sandwich. “When did you break it before?”
“When I marri-” Padme elbowed Anakin.
“What is it, Padme? Why don’t you want me to tell Obi-Wan that we-”
Padme made a face and motioned wildly with her hands.
“OOOOH charades!” Obi-Wan jiggled up and down in his chair. “I just LOVE charades! Let me see…hmm…oh, oh, I know! ‘Stop’!”
Padme nodded and swallowed her cheese. “I was trying to tell Anakin to stop, but my mouth was full, and he hates it when I talk with my mouth full, at least when I’m eating fake cheese, anyway.” She said.
“What were we talking about again?” Anakin asked. “Before the charades.”
“I was trying to figure out what to do-” Padme cut off and fixed her gaze on Obi-Wan, grinning mischievously. “Pick a word, Obi-Wan. Any word.”
“Uh…hound dog!” Obi-Wan said excitedly. “Did I win? Did I guess the right word? Did I? DID I?!?”
Padme laughed. “It wasn’t a contest, Obi-Wan. It’s what we’ll do next.”
“I have a feeling this isn’t going to be good…” Anakin sighed.
They ordered their protein shakes but Padme insisted on going home right away. They sat in the living room, sipping (or, in Anakin’s case, gagging) on their protein shakes while Padme scribbled hound dog on the arm of the couch with her sparkly pink pen. When she was done she turned to face the Jedi, hands on her hips and smiling widely.
“Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re all going to go to town and go to different pet stores. Each one of us must find and buy a hound dog, or something similar to a hound dog, then bring them back here. Ready? Go!!”
“Woah, woah, hold it there for a minute, Padme.” Anakin frowned. “What are we going to do with the hound dogs once we buy them?”
“I don’t know…I guess we see what word we can come up with next.” Padme said.
“Okay.” Anakin and Obi-Wan agreed.
Once in town, Padme headed to Oh-So-Cute! Pet Boutique while Anakin and Obi-Wan looked around for other pets stores. Anakin found one called Mean, Mean Dogs and Obi-Wan’s pet store of choice was Want a Dog? Get it Here. Padme selected a cute poodle with a round-tipped tail, Anakin chose a growling Doberman Pincher and Obi-Wan picked out a scrawny, mangy puppy with floppy ears. They reunited at Anakin and Padme’s apartment to look over the animals.
“Aw, they are all soooo cute!” Padme squealed. Anakin’s dog tried to bit Obi-Wan’s puppy, who hid under the couch. Padme immediately named her dog “Fluffy” but Anakin and Obi-Wan took longer to select their pets’ names.
“It’s going to be either “Scary”, “Mean”, or “Killer”.” Anakin announced after some deep thought.
“I don’t know…” Obi-Wan said, indecisively.
“I wish I hadn’t named my dog Fluffy.” Padme moped.
“Change it.” Anakin suggested.
“I can’t!” Padme wailed.
“Hmm…. “Scary”, “Mean”, or “Killer”…”
“Killer sounds sooooo intimidating!” Padme cried, suddenly sounding scared. “And that’s what he’s trying to do to-”
“BOZO!!” Obi-Wan yelled, grabbing his puppy from Killer’s jaws. “Bad dog!” he yelled and Killer ran off, tail tucked.
“Bozo? Who’s Bozo?” Padme asked, comforting Killer, who had run over to her.
“Bozo is my puppy.” Obi-Wan said. “Didn’t you know that?”
“No.” said Anakin.
“No.” said Padme.
“Well, now you do.” Obi-Wan said.
All three of them stared in silence.
“Uh…somebody say another word, I guess.” Padme looked at the two Jedi. “One of you pick a word.”
“Uh…” Obi-Wan and Anakin said, very cautiously. “Water.” Anakin ventured at last.
“OOOH!” Padme’s eyes lit up. “Like a Water Park?? Or-”
“Like-like a glass of water!” Obi-was yelled out as he tried to stop Bozo from eating one of Padme’s favorite potted plants.
“My plaaaant!!” Padme wailed.
“STOP BOZO!!” Obi-Wan yelled.
“I’ll get the glass of water!!” Anakin yelled, for the sake of joining in yelling, and to quickly nip any of Padme’s crazy water ideas in the bud. He came back just as Obi-Wan caught Bozo and Padme fainted. Anakin tripped, accidentally spilling the water on Padme’s head. Bozo yelped, Padme moaned and Anakin landed hard on the carpet. The glass rolled into a corner, unharmed.
“Padme!!”
“Ani!”
Padme jumped up and began looking around frantically. Suddenly afraid for the sanity of his wife and thinking she had hit her head too hard, Anakin jumped up and ran over to her, holding her close to him.
“Padme are you alright?” Anakin asked softly. Padme looked up into his eyes with her own full of love. “I’m ok, Ani. I’m just looking for my sparkly pint pen.”
“Ok, as long as you’re alright…” Anakin leaned his face closer to hers.
“U-huh-hum.” Obi-Wan cleared his throat. He whistled and looked away. Anakin quickly pulled away from Padme.
“Master…?” His cheeks were bright red. “What is it?” Had Obi-Wan seen…?
“Sorry Anakin, my throat is dry. SO are my lips, now that I tried whistling. Where is that water? Oh, it spilled. Pity. I could’ve used a nice glass of water.”
“Uh, I’ll get you one right away!” Anakin cried out, rushing from the room gratefully.
“I FOOOOOUND IT
“Here you are, Master!” Anakin hurried back, handing Obi-Wan the water. Obi-Wan gulped it down, then smiled.
“That’s good water, Anakin.”
“Thanks Master.” Anakin grinned. He had known calling the Culligan Man would pay off someday!
“What now?” Padme asked. Obi-Wan and Anakin looked at each other.
“We better be careful what we say.” Obi-Wan warned.
“Yeah, like don’t’ say anything that’s dangerous, messy, or-”
“DANGEROUS?? MESSY???” Padme went wild. “We could float in a hot air balloon! Pilot Obi-Wan’s ship! Break into a separatist base and kidnap Count Dooku! Or we could bake three hundred chocolate pancakes! Try to build the leaning tower of CHEESE-uh! Or-”
Anakin and Obi-Wan exchanged looks.
“Padme…” Anakin cautioned.
“Or we could just get some rest.” Padme plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. Within minutes they were all staring as Princess Maloloo floated on a magical butterfly across the land of Silope in a desperate attempt to save the planet. Anakin watched out of lack of anything better to do but Obi-Wan and Padme were enthralled. When the show ended Padme switched the TV off and all was silent. Then Padme said
“Well, that’s it until tomorrow night! I love this show!”
“What’s it called?” Anakin asked, just to make conversation.
“Watch Princes Maloloo float on a magical butterfly across the land of Silope in a desperate attempt to save the planet.” Padme told him.
“Catchy.” commented Anakin.
“It really captures the intent of the show.” Obi-Wan reflected. “That’s what happens every episode.”
“You mean…you’ve watched this before?” Anakin asked, incredulous.
“Yeah, I tune in every evening.”
“Wow…”
Padme stood up, stretched, and yawned. “Ani, I’m getting sleeeeepy…” She yawned again. “But I’m SO hungry. All of this excitement has made me sleepy and hungry. Excitement tends to make me sleepy and hungry.” she explained.
“Ok. What would you like to eat?” Anakin asked.
“Oh, I could go for a little something too.” Obi-Wan stood up as Anakin headed into the kitchen. HE and Padme followed.
“Whatcha gonna make, Ani?” Padme asked, sprawling across the counter.
“Not sure yet.” Anakin replied shortly, super-concentrating.
“He gets like that when he’s super-concentrating.” Padme explained.
“Aha, I see.” Obi-Wan said.
Anakin pulled an enormous pot down from the cupboard and threw open the fridge door. He pulled out celery, carrots and spinach and threw some into the pot. Then he sautéed some onion and potato slices in butter and threw them in as well.
“This could be quite tasty.” Obi-Wan said, licking his lips. “It appears that Anakin is making some kind of soup or something.”
“You never really know until he’s done.” commented Padme.
“Alright, then, it’s coming along just fine…” Anakin murmured. Suddenly, he turned the heat on high and got the mixture boiling. Obi-Wan inhaled deeply.
“Smells good.”
“Mhmm…” Padme sighed, enjoying the fragrance.
Anakin dug around in the fridge. “My secret ingredient is in here somewhere…” he mumbled.
“Whatcha looking for, Ani?” Padme asked.
“AHA!” Anakin grinned triumphantly and revealed- an enormous jar of peanut butter.
“Peanut butter?” Obi-Wan made a face. “In soup?”
“Not soup. You see.” Anakin rushed back to the stove where he proceeded to add a large amount of the gooey brown stuff. He simered it all for a long while until it was a thick mess, then he greased a baking sheet and spread the mixture over it. Popping it into the oven he smiled.
“In just twenty minutes you will taste the most delicious thing you have ever had in your entire lives...I hope.”
“I know! Yay!” Padme grinned back.
“Oh dear…” said Obi-Wan.
When the oven timer beeped, Anakin pulled the baking sheet out, cut it into tiny squares, and piled them on a plate. He set it in the center of the table and poured everyone tall glasses of milk. Padme licked her lips eagerly and Obi-Wan sniffed the squares cautiously.
“They don’t smell bad…” he admitted.
“They smell good, Ani! Can we try one?” Padme asked, barely able to contain her excitement.
“Go right ahead. Dig in! Eat as many as you’d like!” Suddenly Anakin lost it and started distributing tons of the squares to each plate. At last, when he had divided all of the food among the three of them, he yelled
“BON APPETITE!”
Padme took a huge bite right away. Obi-Wan grimaced but nibbled on one and Anakin crammed loads and loads of them into his mouth, chewing and swallowing and repeating, over and over again until his plat was empty.
“MMMM!!” he screamed.
“Yummy!!” Padme grinned.
“Anakin, these taste like…” Obi-Wan took another small bite. “Peanut butter.”
“I know! The other stuff, the spinach and stuff, it’s so small a proportion to the amount of peanut butter, it taste good!” Anakin said, mixing up his words horribly as the peanut butter gripped both his tongue and his brain.
“Hm…well, there’s nothing special about plain old peanut butter.”
“Plain old peanut butter?” Anakin picked up his glass and glug-glug-glugged until it was empty. “Peanut butter isn’t plain, it’s AWESOME!” Then he collapsed face-first onto his plate.
“Mmm…” Padme daintily sipped her glass and smiled at Obi-Wan. “They are tasty, aren’t they?”
“They’re good, if you like peanut butter.” Obi-Wan said, eyeing Anakin’s unconscious form.
“He’s okay, don’t worry.” Padme assured him. “He’ll wake up soon.”
“Has this happened before?” Obi-Wan asked. He was afraid to hear the answer.
“All the time.” Padme finished her last square, sipped the last of her milk and started on the dishes. Obi-Wan lugged Anakin into his bedroom and plopped him on the bed.
“I just never knew…” Obi-Wan said to himself as he walked towards the Jedi temple. “I never knew Anakin liked peanut butter.”
***
