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Crazy Days: Chapter Two

Sorry for the misspellings, I'm sure I'll fix them... "in time". Tired...XD here's chapter two! :D

Chapter Two
In this chapter…
“MORE peanut butter?”
“I’m WEIRD!”
That is what Anakin woke up to. He slowly opened his eyes, only to slap them closed again. Padme’s freakishly-grinning face just inches from his was not what he wanted to see when he first woke up. Padme? Yes. Grinning? Yes. Grinning freakishly and yelling in his ear? Not so much.
“Padme…” he mumbled. “What on earth are you doing? What’s today?”
“Today is the day I…” she paused dramatically. “CUT MY FINGERNAILS! WAHOO!!!”
She ran off giggling wildly. Anakin moaned and rolled back over to sleep.
5 minutes later…
“Ani…I’m bored. I clipped my fingernails and now I have nothing to do.”
“You…clipped your fingernails already?” Anakin sat up, yawning.
“Yep. Now I don’t know what to do.”
“Clip ‘em again.”
5 minutes later…
“I clipped them again and now I’m bored again.”
Anakin sighed and pushed himself out of bed. He was wearing monkey pajamas and he slid his feet into frog-headed, green slippers. Padme was wearing a terribly long nightgown and bare feet. She kept tripping on the hem of the nightgown and grabbing onto things to steady herself.
“Ani-” she steadied herself against him. “I’m hungry. Real hungry. Eat-whatever-you-put-in-front-of-me-hungry.”
“Would you eat fried toads? That’s what I’m making.” Anakin teased.
“EW! No way!”
“Then you’re not really “eat-whatever-you-put-in-front-of-me-hungry”.”
“Ok, ok, I’m “eat-whatever-you-put-in-front-of-me-except-for-fried-toads-hungry”.”
“I’ll make pancakes.” Anakin said.
“MMM!!!” Padme licked her lips. “Yum!”
Anakin headed to the kitchen and pulled down a large frying pan and got it heating. He quickly stirred together the ingredients for pancakes and by then the pan was ready. He poured the whole pan full of pancake batter. Padme watched over his shoulder.
“Look, hon, watch this!” Anakin cried.
He then proceeded to fish his infamous jar of peanut butter from the refrigerator, and scooped an enormous glob into the center of the quickly-cooking pancake.
“See? Then, when it’s done, I flip it and put more peanut butter on the other side.”
“MORE peanut butter?” Padme asked, incredulous.
“More peanut butter.” Anakin affirmed.
After that pancake was done, Anakin made a pancake with peanut butter swirled in. Then he made a plain pancake, put loads of peanut butter in the middle, and rolled it up. Then he made a pancake sandwich with peanut butter in the middle. Then he poured some batter, then a glob of peanut butter , then more batter on top for peanut butter surprise in the middle. Then he poured peanut butter in the pan and made a literal peanut butter pancake. He took his creations to the table.
“Ani, are they all peanut buttery?” Padme asked, wrinkling her nose up at the smell.
“Oops!” Anakin blushed. “I’m sorry, Padme. I forgot you don’t like peanut butter.”
“It’s not that I don’t like it, it’s that I don’t insanely love it like you do.” Padme pointed out.
“True. Well, there’s some batter left. I could make you some plain ones.”
“I can do mine, but thanks.”
Ten minutes later Padme emerged from the kitchen carrying a plate upon which was a single pancake. Anakin swallowed his last bite of peanut butter surprise and watched her smiling. It was fun to watch Padme eat. Anakin shoveled his food, but Padme looked pretty and dainty every bite. When she got to the exact center of the pancake there was a single chocolate chip.
“Wow.” Anakin said. “Cool.”
While Padme finished eating Anakin took his plate to the kitchen. What greeted his sleepy eyes were several perfect, plain pancakes. Anakin wondered why Padme wasn’t eating those too. He poked around in one and found that the chocolate chip wasn’t quite center. The others were the same. Anakin shrugged; Padme was a bit of a perfectionist at times. No wonder it had taken her so long to make her pancake. Anakin ate the chocolate chips from the centers and put the spoiled pancakes in the freezer. Any time he didn’t want to eat something he put it in the freezer. He was a bit of a freezer pack-rat.
He was just starting on the dishes when Padme came whistling into the kitchen. She smiled at him. He smiled back.
“Ani, why don’t you go do something? I can clean up. In fact, I just love cleaning up.” It was true. If there was ever even a speck of dust on anything, Padme would gleefully tie on her hot-pink-and-zebra-striped apron, pick up her bright-yellow feather duster, and attack.
“Ok, thanks hon.” He kissed her on the cheek and departed. He was still tired so he wasn’t paying much attention to what he was doing. He found himself a few minutes later standing at the side of the intersection that separated his and Padme’s apartment from the Jedi temple. He was still wearing his monkey pajamas and frog-head slippers. He could have gone home and changed, but he didn’t want Padme to see how silly he had been to go outside in his pajamas. So he just continued on to the Jedi temple, not really thinking about how silly he would look to everyone there. He was too tired to think about anything clearly. In that state of mind he shouldn’t have crossed the street, but he wasn’t thinking clearly enough to think about thinking clearly, so he just crossed the street. Fortunately most speeders and ships were high above him, so he made it safely across. He entered the front door of the Jedi temple.
“Greetings!” he said as Kit Fisto walked by. The Jedi gave him an odd look but he just smiled, figuring Kit was grumpy or something. “Lalalalalalaaa!” he sung as he walked, flinging his legs forward too far and almost tripping. “It’d a beautiful daaaay!!”
Mace Windu rounded a corner and came towards Anakin. Anakin grinned widely.
“GOOOD morning, Master Windu!” he called out.
“Anakin…what on earth are you wearing??” Mace asked, shaking his head.
“Uh…” Anakin looked down. “It appears that I’m wearing monkey pajamas and froggy slippers.”
Mace made a face. “They totally clash, Anakin. Don’t mix and match animals like that. At least without something breaking them up…like this.”
Mace pulled a red scarf from a backpack he was carrying and tied it around Anakin’s ankles.
“There, that’s much better.”
“Uh…thank you, I think.”
“You are most very welcome.” Mace walked off whistling the Imperial Death March. Anakin found this tune to be quite catchy and began on it himself. He tried to take a step forward and tripped, landing face-first on the floor. “Ow… he pushed himself up on his elbows as his cell phone began to ring. After struggling to get it from the back left pocket of his money pajama pants, he flipped it open and answered the call.
“Is this Anakin Skywalker?”
“Yeah. Wait, who is this?” Anakin said into the phone.
“This is Doctor Brown of the ER. I’m calling to inform you that your wife is unconscious.”
“UNCONSCIOUS?” Anakin yelled into the phone. “And how do you know she’s my wife anyway?”
“Uh…sorry.” said the voice on the other end. “I just assumed…since you have the same last name….”
“What’s wrong with her??” Anakin howled. “Why is she unconscious?”
“We did a blood test and it appears that there is too much chocolate in her system. She is very allergic to it apparently.”
“All she had was one chocolate chip in the exact center of her pancake!” Anakin sobbed.
“I’m sorry, sir. You should come right away. She asked for you, just before she knocked out.”
“Coming!” Anakin hung up his phone and crammed in into his pocket. He ran as fast as he could to the speeder bay where  he found Obi-Wan.
“Master, can I borrow your speeder?” Anakin yelled, running towards him.
“Okay, okay!” Obi-Wan dropped his protein shake and threw his hands up to protect his face as Anakin whizzed past and plunked down in the cockpit. In three seconds he was gone.
“Odd…” Obi-Wan picked up his shale, smelled it, then shrugged. He took a long slurp.
Anakin reached the hospital in record time and jumped from the speeder. Rushing through the entrance he fought back tears. Chocolate, of all things! So good, so tasty…so deadly. Who would have thought it? Chocolate looked so innocent, unless you were a dog.
“Padme, you’re like a dog!” Anakin burst through the doorway of room #207 where he sensed Padme. His outburst brought Padme out of unconsciousness and she started sobbing.
“Take it back, Ani! Take it baaaaaack!” she cried. “I do NOT look like a hog!”
“No, no, you are LIKE a DOG.” Anakin explained. “Chocolate is poison to you like it is to dogs.”
“Oh, is that all?” Padme sniffled. “As long as I don’t look like a hog.”
“You don’t. You look…pretty.”
“Skywalker!!” Yoda was somehow standing in the doorway to room #207. “Telling Amidala she is pretty, why are you??”
“Uh…” Anakin colored. “Because…she is?”
Yoda shrugged. “Good enough for me, that answer is.” He went down the hallway licking a rainbow lollipop. Anakin turned back to Padme.
“Well, I guess we can g home now.” Anakin said.
“Just don’t let her eat any chocolate, and bring her back if she has a relapse. The doctor instructed them.”
“Re…what?” Anakin asked.
“Basically if she turns completely white, passes out, or goes unconscious.” the doctor explained.
“Aha. What if her whole body is covered in a bright red rash?” Anakin quiried.
“That too.”
“Or if she turns blue and can’t breathe?”
Anakin was cut off by Padme wailing. “ANAKIN, WAAAH!! I’m scared!!”
“Thanks doc. I think I need to take Padme home now. For some reason she seems scared of you or this place.” Anakin carried Padme out to the speeder and drove her home. Once she was comfortable on the couch watching a re-run of her favorite TV show, Anakin quickly disposed of all of the chocolate in the house. First he ate the chocolate chips, then he glugged down the chocolate milk, then he melted all of the bakers’ chocolate, added sugar, and slurped that down too. At that point he was feeling kind of sick so he laid down on his bed for a nap. Padme finished watching her TV show and got bored. She was feeling a lot better since Anakin had taken her home, so she decided to get up and do something fun.
“Hm…let’s see…I need someone to think of a word for The Word Game…” Anakin was asleep, and even if he were awake, he was no fun in that respect. Neither was Obi-Wan. No, she would have to target a new victim…
“Aha! I know where to find lots of people to ask for words from!!”
Padme got in her speeder and drove, cackling wildly. The Senate was full of people who didn’t know about the word game. She would make every single one of them- every single one- give her a word. Then she would write them on the couch arm and do them all!
The first person she spotted was Jar Jar Binks. Hiding her mischievous smile she walked over to him.
“Hey, Jar Jar.”
The Gungan griined. “Hello, Senator Pladme! Mesa so excited to sein’ yousa!”
“It’s good to see you too, Jar Jar.” Padme giggled. She couldn’t wait ot hear what Jar Jar’s idea would be.
“Jar Jar…pick a word. any word. Just say something.”
Padme sighed. “What’s your favorite word, Jar Jar?”
“Uh…mesa no has one. Sorry, Senator.”
“That’s ok…why don’t you pick one right now?” Padme suggested.
“Oh, good idea, Senator. Uh…mesa favorite word is ‘wet’. It be very wet in the Gungan City. Yes, mesa favorite word is ‘wet’.”
“Thanks, Jar Jar.” Padme pulled her sparkly pink pen and a notepad out of her Whinnie the Pooh purse and scribbled the word wet.
“Bye, Jar Jar.” Padme smiled.
Her next victim was Chancellor Palpatine.
“Chancellor, pick a word, any word.”
“Uh….evil!!” Palpatine shrieked. Padme’s jaw dropped and she stared at him. Palpatrine blushed.
“You, uh…you said to pick any word, and that’s exactly what I did.” Palpatine shuffled off and Padme wrote the word ‘evil’ in her notebook, shaking her head. “Maybe I’ll do an anagram: every vain italic loves…or something…” She hurried off to the next senator in line. By the time evening fell she was driving back home in her speeder.
“Now to start on my list!” she cried. It took her a good twenty minutes to scribble all of her words on the sofa, and she had almost filled up the entire arm…
“PADME?? Padme, where aaaaaare yoooou?” Anakin called out in desperation, looking under a bush for Padme. A black-and-white cat streaked past him, tripping him up. “PADME! Where could she be??” he asked himself. Slumping against a wall he tore open a triple-peanut-butter-flavored energy bar. Gnawing, he tried to think of another place his wife could be. Maybe she had chocolate left in her system and had run off somewhere, half-crazy. He gulped the last bit of bar and pulled a flashlight out of his backpack. He would look for her until her found her.
Back at the apartment:
Padme slumped against the couch, exhausted. She had glue in her ears and feathers in her hair. The nightgown she had never changed out of was sopping wet. She felt sick from eating 14 pickles. And she still had only used up ten ideas so far. Out of 745.
Finally Anakin came home. He was planning on making a pot of coffee and then heading out again. It was past midnight and he could barely keep his eyes open, but he had to find Padme before she hurt herself. He hoped he wasn’t too late…
He was just pouring himself a fresh cup of peanut-butter-flavored coffee when he heard a scream. Spilling coffee all over himself he ran into the living room. There was Padme, lying unconscious on the floor.
He ran over to her, threw his arms around her and sobbed. She was so still, her eyes were closed…Anakin spotted a smudge of chocolate on the corner of her mouth. “No…!” He sobbed until they both were soaked. Well, until Anakin was soaked- for some reason Padme was already soaked. Finally he could cry no more. He slumped down on the carpet beside her.
Anakin screamed. Padme sat up, carefully wiped the chocolate away from her mouth, and grinned.
“That was number 234.” Padme explained. “’Play a joke on somebody you love’. It was from the word ‘love’.”
“Wow…that was kinda a far stretch, wasn’t it, Padme?” Anakin’s heart was pounding his chest so hard he thought he would faint.
“I think what you mean is a fun stretch. And no, I didn’t actually eat any chocolate.”
Padme brushed some mud off of her nightgown and pulled candy corn out of her nose. Anakin made a face.
“Yuck…what was that doing up there?”
“I combined two words: candy, and nose.” Padme explained.
“Oh…where did you get all these words, Padme?”
Padme grinned. “Senators. Lots of senators and lots of words!”
Padme began to pick up chicken feathers and empty hat boxes that were strewn around the living room. Then she vacuumed up about twenty pounds of glitter, scrubbed sharpie off of the windows, tried to wipe the jelly out of her hair and spit out the rock she had been chewing on. Anakin watched in horror while these things went on, then he suggested that Padme might want to take a shower and put on a fresh nightgown for the night.
“Ok.” Padme left and Anakin was alone in the living room.
“What a weird day…” he muttered.
“WEIRD? Did somebody say-”
Obi-Wan appeared, wearing a large chicken suit and blowing balloons up with his nose.
“Uh, Obi-Wan…where did you come from??”
“I’m WEIRD!” Obi-Wan said, as if that explained everything. He tied off the balloons and ran around the room, throwing them here and there.
“Look, you have fun with your balloons, I’m gonna watch some TV.”
“OOOOH, it’s about time for Watch Princess Maloloo float on a magical butterfly across the land of Silope in a desperate attempt to save the planet!!!” Obi-Wan squealed.
“YAY!” Padme yelled from the bathroom. Thirty seconds she appeared, jelly still in her ears and face-paint on her face. Apparently she had rushed to get out of the shower in time for the show. She had changed into a nice clean nightgown, however, so Anakin let the matter pass.
Obi-Wan switched on the TV.
“Here once again, we present you with: Watch Princess Maloloo float on a magical butterfly across the land of Silope in a desperate attempt to save the planet. On this episode, watch Princess Maloloo float on her magical butterfly Stacie across the land of Silope in a desperate attempt to save the planet from giant exploding cheeseballs!”
“OOOOOOOOOOH!” Obi-Wan and Padme said. Anakin rolled his eyes.
The TV show lasted for forty-five minutes, and then silence prevailed. Princess Maloloo had saved the planet once again, this time from giant exploding cheeseballs. Anakin went to the kitchen to drink his cold coffee while Obi-Wan and Padme schemed about how to make their own cheeseballs.
“Our should maybe have a little less kick to them.” Padme said, referring to the explosives.
“What did you say?” Obi-Wan squeaked his finger in his ear. “I can’t hear you.” The loud squeals towards the end of the episode had made him temporarily hard-of-hearing.
“I said, a little less kick in ours, ok?”
“A little more kick?” Obi-Wan stood poised over the pot of bubbling cheese, a large jar of crushed red pepper in his hand.
“Uh-uh.” Padme said, mishearing Obi-Wan as well.
“Okie-dokie, if you say so!” Obi-Wan dumped almost the entire jar of pepper into the cheese. Padme was trying to make I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-chocolate coffee, so she didn’t notice.
“Alright!” Anakin brought his coffee and some chips to the table. “Ready to eat, everyone?”
“Ready!” Obi-Wan pulled the bubbling mass of cheese off of the stove and poured most of it into a big bowl which he then set on the table.
“Yummy!” Padme cried, settling down with her make I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-chocolate coffee. She took a sip.
“Oooh!” she giggled. “It’s GOOD! I can’t believe it’s not chocolate!”
Anakin laughed. Obi-Wan hardly heard, so focused was he on his cheese dip.
“Can we eat it now??” he pressed.
“Ok!” Anakin agreed.
“MMM!!” Padme sighed, inhaling deeply.
“Ready, set…GO!” Obi-Wan plunged a chip full of the gooey mess and crammed it into his mouth. “MMMM…!”
Anakin had a chip with a more modest amount of cheese. “Mm, it’s pretty good!” he agreed.
Padme, grinning widely, took a chip and scooped an ENORMOUS amount of cheese on it, even more than Obi-Wan had had on his. She just LOVED cheese and ate it whenever she could. Thinking that it was going to taste mild and cheesy, she closed her eyes and popped it into her mouth. For one second she sighed in enjoyment. But suddenly, the burn came.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!” Padme cried, jumping up out of her chair and running to the kitchen. She turned the faucet on full-blast and stuck her face in the sink, letting the water pour into her mouth and out again. She was still screaming, but her voice sounded bubbly.
“I wonder what’s wrong with Padme.” Anakin wondered aloud.
“No idea.” Obi-Wan ate more cheese.
At last Padme came back from the kitchen with a cup of coffee. She refused to eat any more cheese but had plain chips instead. Obi-Wan and Anakin quickly devoured the cheese by themselves. When they were finished, everyone leaned back in their chair and sighed.
“It’s kinda getting late.” Padme pointed out.
“Yeah…” Obi-Wan agreed.
Anakin stood and stretched. “Well, it’s going to be a very busy day tomorrow…” He yawned, revealing a yellow-stained tongue from all the cheese.
“Why is it going to be a busy day?” Padme asked, staring suspiciously into the cheesy-residue bowl. She sniffed lightly and grimaced. Too spicy.
Anakin smirked. “It’s a surprise.”
“Good or bad?” Obi-Wan asked, running his finger along the inside of the cheese-bowl repeatedly as Padme made a face.
“Uh…it depends on who you are…” Anakin shrugged. “Anyway, night all.”
So Obi-Wan left (taking the cheese-bowl) and Anakin went to bed. Padme, although she had had an even longer day, couldn’t go to sleep quite yet. She turned on the TV and flipped to her favorite channel: the Courascant Food Network (CFN). Her stomach growled from hunger as she watched. Eating nothing but a single poisoned-chocolate pancake, coffee, and chips all day wasn’t exactly ideal. The woman on the show was just demonstrating how to use a rotary cutter to slice pizza.
“Oooh…!!” Padme grinned widely. She ran to her sewing closet, grabbed her rotary cutter, then dialed The Pizza Place. Tapping her foot while she waited for someone to pick up, Padme continued getting crazy ideas from the CFN, which ranged from putting pancakes in the dryer to make them fluffier to frying banana peels in hot sauce for a tasty mid-day pick-me-up.
“Hello?”  someone finally answered.
“HEY!” Padme squealed into the phone. Then she said nothing.
“Uh…do you wanna order a pizza?” the guy prompted.
“What kind?” the guy asked impatiently.
“The yummiest kind of all!” Padme squealed.
“…Which would be…?”
“CHEESE!” exploded Padme.
“Uh…ok.” The guy said, ears ringing.
Twenty-five minutes, ten seconds and thirty-five milliseconds later, the doorbell rang and Padme quickly grabbed an paid for her cheese pizza. As the pizza guy went back to his job, slightly spooked, Padme sat down at the dining room table and devoured the entire thing. When she was done, she switched off the TV and went to bed, jelly still in her ears.

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